


Sick

by zugzwangxo



Series: A Sickness [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Song fic, sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 04:24:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5771167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zugzwangxo/pseuds/zugzwangxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer Reid is in the darkest place he's ever been and contemplating making a life changing decision. Can he find a way to control the violent urges as he watches the love of his life give everything to someone else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sick

It was something Spencer had never imagined could happen, something that he’d never even feared because he’d always thought he’d see through it. Perhaps that’s what had made him feel so stupid, so angry, so overwhelmed in his thoughts of her. She’d hurt him in ways that he couldn’t even describe in doing what she’d done. The lies were bad enough on their own but when he’d discovered the lengths she’d gone to in order to hide that she’d been cheating on him showed pure premeditation. What she hadn’t counted on, even after the arguments and the fighting, was just how deeply it had scarred him and how darkly he could view the world.

Having managed to follow her to her apartment block across town, Spencer sat in the SUV which he’d parked opposite. From the driver’s seat he could see her bedroom window, which would normally have lit up by now in the darkness but since she’s not been alone when he followed her, he knew exactly why.

Time passed slowly, nothing changed but Spencer’s deepening disgust for her and for the man he barely even knew. Digging his hand into his pocket, he pulled out the spare key he’d been given, trying to decide if he needed any more proof. Placing his hand on the handle, he started to climb from the vehicle but at that moment the door of the apartment building opened and they both emerged.

_It's more than a habit_  
I'm more than an addict  
I'm parked here outside of your door  
Know you never lock it  
Got you keys in my pocket  
Lights all out  
But I know for sure 

The anger spiked inside his chest, like a heat rising from his very core. What was it that he gave her that Spencer couldn’t? Or was he just a toy to her from the beginning? Suddenly, a lot of Spencer’s work made sense to him, the things people would do to each other in these situations.

As he turned the key in the ignition, terrifying ideas flowed through his mind, ideas that would have chilled those that he worked with on the best of days. He followed, for quite some time, till they eventually reached the riverside, where it would have been too obvious to follow closely. Turning on his headlights, he stayed on the road just far enough away to stay hidden.

Spencer watched as the pair walked hand in hand, her head turning to look behind her as though she felt his presence. Perhaps she could feel his anger, which spiked even further as he watched the stranger pull her closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. The thoughts that went through his mind frightened him but at the same time they filled him with something he’d never felt before. An unexplainable satisfaction washed over him as he pictured himself pressing down on the gas pedal and veering towards them. In his head, he imagined the damage the large front end of the SUV would do, smashing into them both with nothing but a steel railing between them and the river. Would it be the shattering bones, the blunt force trauma or the water that did it? The idea of him slowly drowning, unable to save himself because of his injuries came at a sick pleasure to Spencer.

_You walk by the river_  
As you start to shiver  
Two headlights are following you  
As he pulls you closer  
My engine's ticking over  
It's my choice  
To do what I do 

The perfect opportunity arose as the road came closer to the riverside path, uninhibited by trees or bushes or benches. It was the closest he’d come to them the whole night. Could anyone really blame him for his feelings?

_Ten steps away from you_  
From you and him  
Redemption, is that a sin? 

Spencer managed to hold off the thoughts till the road pulled away again. Perhaps there was a better way, perhaps there was a revenge that wouldn’t involve throwing his career or his life away over his pain. No matter how much their pain might have quelled his, he knew it wasn’t worth it but the idea that it was all that stopped him was horrific. Weighing up his options, he decided it might be better to talk to someone about it, maybe Derek could distract him or JJ could console him.

_I'd never run him over_  
I wouldn't wanna dent my car  
I'd never rip your throat out  
Cos that could leave a nasty scar  
So I'm gonna go out  
Get drunk with my friends  
Try to get myself outta this funk  
I'd never screw my life up  
Because of how sick you are 

He was about to leave when he spotted them again, standing in the open and kissing by the light of the streetlamps. Pulling over again he stopped to watch, wondering if he would build up the courage to confront them, to go over to them, to do something or should he stay and watch, gathering all he needed to hurt her in return. But he was too late, as he watched on, the stranger left her and she delved her hand into her pocket. Moments later, his phone buzzed in his pocket with a message asking him to meet her…

_I'm talking 'bout a split decision_  
Made in anger you know  
I'm talking something that could change my life forever  
Is it worth it? No  
Is it worth it? No  
Should I stay here and watch the show?  
Or maybe ... it's time to go 

Spencer turned off the lights, turned off the ignition and stepped from the SUV to start toward her…


End file.
